Blackout
by InfiniteM0nkeys
Summary: Mysteries abound throughout the world of Remnant. Many questions remain unanswered, such as "Where do Grimm come from?" "Why does Dust lose its power upon exiting the atmosphere?" and "What the heck did we do last night?" Attempting to seek out such forbidden knowledge sets teams RWBY and JNPR on a bizarre journey which may alter the fate of Remnant itself (drunken marriage trope)
1. Chapter 1

I never expected to write something like this. I'm ace, and I generally find this sort of stuff to be ridiculous. I've tried to ignore the ideas, but they just kept bugging me until I decided to roll with it and see what happens.

I have only a faint idea of where the plot is headed, so I guess we'll all just have to sit back and try to enjoy the ride.

* * *

A series of high pitched beeps hammered their way into Yang's head, dragging her kicking and screaming back to consciousness. _Ugh._

She groaned, noting the feel of unfamiliar bedsheets against her face. _Okay… where am I, and will someone shut off the damn jackhammer?_ The air reeked of liquor, and when Yang tried to recall how she had gotten to wherever "here" was, she couldn't. Last thing she remembered, she had been headed into Vale for some Saturday night fun. Come to think of it, the former observation probably explained the latter.

All the same, it wasn't all bad. This bed was soft and smooth, and combined with the pleasant warmth curled up against her side… _Oh crap._

Yang's hand reached outward and trailed its way across naked skin. She groaned, for the first time noting her own lack of clothing. G _uess drunk Yang found some 'fun' after all… great._ She hated the awkward introductions and explanations that always followed a drunken hookup. Yang briefly considered whether she might manage to sneak out before the other fellow woke up, but then the body beside her began to stir and move.

Yang sighed. _So much for that. Ah well, might as well get it over with._ She forced herself to sit up in bed, rubbed her eyes, then turned to face other person. Golden eyes met her own, and Yang stifled a yelp, scrambling backwards in bed.

Next to her, Blake Belladonna grabbed at the sheets, pulling them up to cover her naked form. The raven haired girl's ears were pulled back in alarm, her trademark bow discarded. Yang looked away from her friend to see their surroundings. They were seated towards the edge of a large and rumpled bed, in what appeared to be a hotel room.

Yang let out another groan. Judging from the war-torn condition of the sheets, their night had been 'eventful' to say the least. She fought the urge to bury her head under a pillow in the hopes that it all might go away. _So you slept with your partner… I suppose it could be worse… Sure, the next few years'll be awkward as hell, but if I had to pick a girl… I mean, it could have been-_

"What's happening?" an uncomfortably familiar voice asked. Up by the headboard, the covers began to churn, then a pillow was thrown aside, revealing a mess of brilliant red hair.

Pyrrha Nikos lifted her head, and her eyes widened at the sight before her. "Um…" she began, and her brow furrowed. "Do either of you remember what happened?"

Yang looked to Blake, but the girl just shook her head, eyes wide. Yang shrugged. "Guess not" she said, turning back and gesturing to the bed. "But I think the scene speaks for itself."

"Will someone shut off the stupid alarm?" someone demanded.

"Sorry." Pyrrha said, grabbing her scroll off the end table and silencing it. "Wait…"  
Yang looked across the bed in the direction of the voice. Sure enough, a fourth person was lying there, partially buried under a blanket. The girl had a pillow clamped over her head, but there was no mistaking the pale hair of Weiss Schnee trailing across the sheets.

"Her too?" Blake demanded, and Pyrrha shook her head, completely at a loss.

"That's it." Yang said, wrapping a somewhat sticky sheet around herself and looking for their clothes. "I'm officially never drinking again in my life."

"Guys?" a new voice asked, and Yang fought back a shriek. At the foot of the bed, the red and black locks of her little sister emerged. "Ow...ow…owie." Ruby moaned, not yet noticing their situation. "Sunshine, why do you hate me today?"

Yang felt her brain locking up as she considered the possibilities. _No way… we couldn't have…_ Next to her, Pyrrha and Blake appeared to be equally horrified as they considered what might have happened.

"What's going on?" A moment before, Yang would have been willing to bet a sizable amount that she couldn't possibly be more mortified and alarmed, but this new voice proved her utterly wrong.

"No…" Weiss muttered, no longer sheltered underneath the pillow. "Please tell me that isn't…"

"Is this supposed to be some kinda prank?" the voice asked, "Because if it is, it's not funny!"

Yang's mind was still paralyzed with a mixture of embarrassment and horror, but her hands began to move on their own, pulling the sheets and blankets away and throwing them off the bed.

After a moment, the others joined in, quickly stripping the bed and revealing a sixth occupant.

"Seriously!" Jaune Arc complained. His arms and legs yanked at the ropes holding him to the bed, and his head flailed around as he tried to shake his blindfold loose. "Nora? Is that you? Ha ha, your joke was hilarious, now let me go already!"

The girls drew back from the naked form of their teammate, looked around at their own state of undress, before they again considered the possibilities.

 _Shit._ Yang thought to herself, and then the screaming began.


	2. Chapter 2

Blake got up from the floor, adjusting her bedsheet toga as she stood. "They aren't under the bed." she said.

"Drawers are empty as well." Yang said, looking into the dresser. "Where the hell did our clothes go?"  
From over on the couch, Jaune groaned. He held a bloody tissue to his nose, and one eye was rapidly turning black. Pyrrha walked over from across the room.

"Here." she said, handing Jaune a plastic bag. "The minibar's been ransacked, but I managed to find some ice."

"Thanks" Jaune said, taking the bag in his other hand and placing it over the bruise.  
"I'm really sorry about punching you." Pyrrha said. "I panicked, and acted without thinking."

"I didn't" Weiss sniffed, pulling open the nightstand drawer in search of her scroll. "This probably feels like a dream come true to your perverted…" she broke off, staring downwards in horror.

"What is it? What is it?" Ruby asked, peering over her partner's shoulder "...oh."

Weiss lifted out a box and placed it onto the bed. Inside, six rings of various colors had been neatly arranged on top of a sheet of paper.

Weiss carefully removed the paper and began to read.

"Is that what I think it is?" Blake asked.

Weiss continued to stare at the paper, until Yang walked over and snatched it from the girl's hands. "Yep" Yang said, glancing over the page. "A document declaring these six souls to be lawfully wed, blah blah blah etcetera etcetera till death do them part." she tossed the document back onto the bed.

Blake sat on the side of the bed and buried her face in her hands. "I'd like to say that this surprises me" she said, "But honestly, after everything else that's happened this morning, it makes way too much sense."

"At least we ended the night with a bang." Yang said. "Say" she asked, her voice suddenly concerned. "Have you always had that scar on your arm?"

Blake uncovered her face and followed Yang's gaze. A band of dark tissue stretched along her forearm in a perfectly straight line, starkly defined against her skin.

"Of course not." she said, rubbing at the new mark. "Where the heck did it come from?"

Two pillows spiraled across the room, smacking both Yang and Blake in the face. "Will you idiots get your priorities straight?" Weiss demanded. "We woke up naked in bed after doing gods-know what to one another, none of us have any idea of where we are or how we got here, I've just learned that I'm married to an idiot who has to label his right shoe from his left, and you're worried about a mark on your arm?"

"To be fair, that must have been a pretty serious injury." Pyrrha said, walking over to examine the wound. "it almost looks like someone took a hot iron to your skin."

Blake shivered at Pyrrha's words. _She makes it sound like it was from… no. I'd remember seeing him again, regardless of how drunk I was._

"We sure made a mess of the bed." Ruby said, rubbing at a stain. She pulled her hand back and frowned at the milky white substance stretched between her fingertips. "Did someone blow their nose on the blanket?"

Weiss's face paled as she realized it was. "Ew!" she yelped, snatching Ruby's wrist and pulling her towards the bathroom. "ew ew ew ew ew ew!"

A moment later, they heard the sink kick on full blast.

Yang smirked. "Someone blew something all right."

Jaune let out a whimper. "Please don't make jokes like that." he begged.

Yang laughed at that. "Chin up, Vomit boy!" she said. "Do you know how much Neptune would give to be in your shoes right now?"

"Neptune isn't the one who'll be explaining this to all of our parents if the news gets out." Jaune said. He stood up, adjusted his sheet, then walked towards the window. "I'll be dead by nightfall if -Ouch!" There was a sharp crack, and Jaune began hopping up and down holding his foot. "Who left a fire extinguisher there?" he yelled.

Pyrrha hefted the metal canister, and carried it across the room. "It probably goes under the minibar." she said. "I have no idea why it was out."

"Guys! guys!" Ruby cheered, running back into the room. "I found them!"

"Our clothes?" Blake asked eagerly.

"Our what?" Ruby asked, then looked back down at her bedsheet. "oh. right. Not them, but something better!" she smiled brightly. "All our weapons are sitting outside the bathroom door!"

Yang sighed. "Priorities, Ruby girl. Crescent Rose can't protect us from charges of indecent exposure."

Ruby frowned. "But we could…"

"We aren't holding police officers at gunpoint." Yang added.

Ruby sighed. "Then I guess she can't."

Weiss walked into the room, carrying a handful of metallic rectangles. "Our scrolls were out there as well." she said, dumping the others onto the bed and opening her own device. Weiss frowned at the screen as it lit up. "That's weird." she said, her brow furrowing.

"What?" Pyrrha asked.

"This says it's Monday." Weiss said. "Last I can remember, it was Saturday evening."

"It's the same for me." Blake said, grabbing her own device. "And I still can't remember anything since then."

"Monday?" Ruby asked. She grabbed her scroll to check the time, then yelped in alarm. "Ohmygosh, we're late for Doctor Oobleck's class!" she sprinted for the door. "C'mon team, we've gotta go now!"

"Ruby!" Yang snapped, stopping her sister just before the door. "We don't have anything to wear, remember?"  
Ruby blushed. "Oh…. nevermind then." she walked back and sat down on the couch. "I hope he isn't mad."

"I'm sure he'll live." Pyrrha soothed, patting the younger girl on the shoulder.

"So now what?" Jaune asked, sitting down on the bed and cradling his wounded toes. "How are we gonna get back to Beacon in nothing but sheets and blankets?"

"Simple." Yang said, reaching over and punching a button on the phone.

"What are you doing?" Blake asked.

"Calling room service." Yang replied. "They're bound to have something we can wear."

Weiss walked over carrying the box. "I assume they're color coded." she said, placing the box on the coffee table and drawing out a silver circle. "Stone's probably fake." she sniffed, examining the diamond set into the top.

"We don't all have multimillion dollar allowances." Blake said, picking up another ring. Brilliant gold, this one was studded with several purple stones. "I assume this is yours." she said, handing it over to Yang.

Yang examined the ring, then slid it onto her finger. "Looks good." she said. "At least drunk me has taste in jewelry."

There was a sharp knock on the door. "I'll get it." Pyrrha said, walking over to the door and swinging it open.

A bearded man stood in the doorway, wearing a bathrobe and holding a pot of coffee. "What is it?" he snarled, before taking a swig directly from the pot.

Yang brightened. "Hey Junior!" she said. "Long night?"

"What do you think?" he demanded. "I had six horny teens in the room directly below mine. They probably could hear the moaning from three blocks over!"

Pyrrha blushed at this, but Weiss scowled at the reminder of their 'activities'. "Why aren't the rooms soundproofed?" she asked.

"They are soundproof!" Junior snapped. "And even I wasn't able to hear anything, you were shaking the entire floor!"

The others looked rather uncomfortable, but Yang seemed almost proud. "Mind getting us something to wear?" she asked.

Junior sighed as he surveyed their improvised attire. "Why am I not surprised." he said, then turned to away. "I'll see what I can find, if that's what it'll take to get you six out of my hair."

The door slammed shut, and the newlyweds exchanged an awkward glance. "So, you know this guy?" Jaune asked.

Yang grinned. "He runs a bunch of businesses in this part of town." she said. "And for the right price, he can get you info about anything or anyone in Vale."

"A criminal." Weiss sniffed.

"He's not so bad." Yang said. "You've just gotta be sure to punch him before he punches you." She walked back to the window and looked out. "The best part is, now I know where we are! We're in one of the VIP rooms above Junior's nightclub."

There was another knock on the door. Ruby opened it, and Junior walked in, carrying several packages of dark cloth.

Weiss eagerly opened one of the packages, and her face fell as a black and white suit fell out. "Tuxedos?" she asked. "That's the only clothing you have?"

Junior shrugged. "They're extra staff uniforms. It's not like I expected to be outfitting a bunch of teenagers this morning." he set the uniforms onto the bed, then walked back out of the room.

"Probably'll have to replace the mattress." he muttered as he left.

* * *

Jaune adjusted his tie and rubbed his face as he stared into the mirror. _Of all the things that could go wrong with sneaking into Beacon, I never expected this. Even if we manage to fix everything by nightfall, how are we supposed to remain friends? After all, you can't just shrug off-_

Someone pounded on the door, interrupting his worries. "Hurry up!" Weiss barked. "Other people need to get changed, you know!"

Jaune opened the door and walked out. "Looking good" Yang called, but Pyrrha blushed and turned away from him. _Great. My own partner's too ashamed to face me. Not surprised. I'd probably feel the same if I woke up married to a complete loser like-_ Something smacked him in the forehead. "Damn shirt!" Yang snarled. "That's the second button in five minutes!"

"Here." Ruby said, handing him one of the rings. "I think we should each hold on to our own, to prevent them all from getting lost or stolen."

Jaune examined the band. Some kind of whitish metal formed the center of the ring, bordered by gold. _I hope it didn't cost too much._

"Done." Weiss said, walking out of the bathroom. "Ruby, hurry up and change so we can get o- oomph!" The heiress fell flat on her face. She climbed back to her feet, rolling the pant leg back up.

"Bit too long for you?" Yang asked, holding back a laugh.

"Shut up." Weiss snarled. She tried to keep walking, but swayed unsteadily as the other leg fell down.

"I can help." Jaune said. He rummaged through their weapons, pulling his shield from the pile. "Alright, push down on the second arc, then turn the first… and presto!" A small drawer popped out from the side.

"Your shield has a secret compartment?" Pyrrha asked.

"Not a very big one." Jaune said, pulling out a small black package. "It's supposed to hide confidential information if you're captured."

"What do you keep in there?" Blake asked, intrigued.

Jaune shrugged. "A sewing kit."

She blinked in confusion. "A sewing kit? Really?"

"It's handy to have around!" Jaune defended himself. "I don't have a thousand outfits to swap out with like Coco!"

"You can sew?" Yang asked.

"Just simple stuff." Jaune said, selecting a spool of black thread. "Fixing my clothes when they get ripped from training, and other things like that." He threaded a needle, then walked over to Weiss.

Jaune stitched a seam along the cuff, careful not to scratch Weiss's leg. "That ought to work until we get back to our rooms." he said, switching to the other cuff.

"Thanks, I guess." Weiss said as he finished, shifting her weight and looking at the floor. "...I'm sorry for punching you earlier."

"My turn!" Yang said, walking over and gesturing to the missing buttons. "Mind fixing this for me?"

Jaune blushed and looked away. The opening allowed an embarrassing amount of skin to show through. "I'm not sure that's really necessary." he said, still staring at the floor.

Yang smirked as she recognized his reluctance. "Hey, it's not like there's anything you haven't seen before." she said.

"I arguably haven't seen it before." Jaune argued. "Since I don't have any memories of the night…"  
"Screw the technicalities and fix the shirt, Loverboy." Yang said. "Anyway, my ordinary clothes show nearly this much."

Jaune sighed, but began threading another needle. He hoped that his cheeks weren't as red as they felt.

"Done!" Ruby called, walking out of the bathroom. She stepped back in confusion as she saw Jaune staring at her sister's chest with intense concentration. "Umm… is this a bad time?"

"Finished." Jaune said, straightening up. "That should hold it together for a while."

"Does everyone have all their things?" Pyrrha asked, and the others nodded their assent. "Then let's go." she said, leading the way out of the room.

Junior waved to them from the bar as they crossed the nightclub floor. "Just so we're clear, I'm never letting any of you crash here again." he called. "You might've saved my club yesterday, but I'll blow a small fortune just to getting the room cleaned."

"Fair enough!" Yang called. "Say, any luck with the other thing?"

"Sorry." he said. "I'll keep asking, but no one's heard of a woman with that description."

Yang sighed, but appeared unsurprised.

Out on the street, they were greeted with the sight of a familiar motorcycle parked by the curb.

"Bumblebee's here!" Yang said, then frowned at the expired meter parking meter. "Lucky that it didn't get ticketed."

"It looks like they had bigger priorities." Black said, pointing down the street. There was a gaping hole in the side of a warehouse wall, and scorch marks were scattered along the street.

"What happened here?" Pyrrha gasped.

"Didn't that Junior guy say something about us saving his club?" Ruby asked. "Maybe this is part of that."

Weiss stepped out into the road and flagged down a taxi. "Take us to the Beacon Academy airstrip." she ordered.

"Sure thing, checkerboard." the driver replied.

"Excuse me?" Weiss demanded, but the others were already pushing past her to climb in. Weiss sighed, but climbed in as well.

As Jaune turned to follow, Yang caught his arm and pulled him back. "The rest of you go ahead" she said cheerfully. "Jaune can come with me."

"Are you sure?" Ruby asked. "we can probably squeeze him in."

"Why bother?" Yang asked. "It's just a ten minute ride. Go on, and we'll meet you there."

Ruby looked slightly concerned, but she shut the door and the taxi pulled away. Yang waited for it to turn a corner, then slapped Jaune across the face.

"What was that for?" he yelped.

"For screwing my little sister." Yang smirked. She swung onto Bumblebee and looked back at him. "Well? What are you waiting for? Climb on, Hubby!"

"Don't call me that." Jaune complained, climbing on behind her and wrapping his arms around her stomach. "And take it easy, alright? I get motion-"  
He was cut off mid sentence as Yang gunned the engine. "Let's go!" she cheered.

A shrill scream echoed through the morning air as they set off.

* * *

 **As others already guessed, this is another case of the "drunken marriage" trope, though I currently intend to focus less on the relationships themselves and more on the general chaos and absurdity that results. Credit to all the other drunken marriage fics for inspiration, particularly Dakkaboy123's "Drunken Marriage Bargain"**


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry about the delay, writer's block combined with a bad head cold delayed this chapter by the better part of a week.

* * *

The cab pulled up alongside the station. "I'll pay." Weiss said, swiping her card.

A buzzer sounded, and the meter flashed red. "What?" Weiss asked. She swiped her card again, but got the same result.

"Account's declined." the cabbie grunted.

"What?" Weiss demanded. "My allowance was yesterday!"

The man glared at her. "Tuxedos and nightclubs ain't cheap, miss."

"How dare you!" Weiss clenched her fists at the implication that she might have overspent.

Pyrrha laid a hand on the girl's shoulder, cutting off the tirade. "I'll pay." she said soothingly. She slid her card into the meter, which chimed and turned green.

"Everyone out!" Ruby called, leading the way out of the vehicle. She glanced around nervously as they walked towards the station. "Yang and Jaune ought to be here by now." she worried. "I hope everything's alright."

"We only got here a moment ago." Blake said. "They're probably just a couple minutes behind us."

"Not with how Yang drives." Ruby said.

The whine of a familiar engine cut through the air, and Ruby smiled. "Never mind." she said.

A golden blur hurtled towards them, and they heard Yang's shout of exhilaration as they swung into the parking lot. Another shout echoed behind the first, but it sounded more terrified than exhilarated.

Yang threw her bike into a slide, skidding to a perfect stop in one of the spaces. She pulled off her helmet, dismounted, and grinned at the others.

"Hurgh!" Jaune leapt off the bike and sprinted for the nearest trash can, pulling off his helmet with one hand as he clamped the other over his mouth.

"He was right." Yang observed. "He does get motion sick."

As Ruby prepared to reprimand her sister, a pair of arms seized her from behind. "Ruby!" a voice cheered.

Ruby looked back, and grinned as she recognized the newcomer. "Penny!" she said, smiling widely. "I haven't seen you in ages! Say, I'd like you to meet-" she broke off as she pointed towards the other girls, trying to determine the correct noun.

The android girl needed no additional prompting. "Salutations, wives of Ruby!" she said, performing a curtsey. "Congratulations on your recent nuptials!"

"What?" Pyrrha asked. "How do you know about that?"

"There was an announcement in this morning's edition of the Vale Chronicler!" Penny said. "I wish I could have attended the ceremony, but I was unaware of your engagement until I read of it this morning."

"Her and me both." Weiss muttered.

"Why didn't we invite Penny?" Ruby asked. "She could have been our flower girl!"

"Who could have been our flower girl?" Jaune asked, walking back over from the garbage can.

"Apparently our marriage made the newspaper." Blake said. "Penny here already knew about it."

Jaune's face paled as she spoke. He walked unsteadily over to a bench, and buried his face in his hands.

Penny looked concerned. "Hey Ruby…" she asked. "Is your husband crying?"

"He'll be alright." Pyrrha said. "He's just having a bit of a bad day."

"But he just got married!" Penny said. "He should be happy after such a marvelous occasion!" Her face became determined, and she marched over to the boy. "Greetings!" she said. "To improve your mood, would you like me to recite a humorous story? General Ironwood gave me a book of jokes last week to celebrate my birthday."

Jaune didn't seem to notice the girl. "I'm dead." he muttered. "So very, very dead. Jaune Arc, gone before his time, another life tragically cut short by the evils of drink..."

"Cheer up!" Yang encouraged. "At least you had a night to remember!"

"But I can't remember!" Jaune snapped. "None of us can! And now your dad's gonna rip me limb from limb for something that I don't even recall doing!"

"Someone's going to rip you limb from limb?" Penny asked, and summoned her swords. "Don't worry! I won't let anyone hurt the spouses of my friend Ruby!"

"No one's going to rip him limb from limb." Ruby said consolingly.

"Are you sure about that?" Yang asked. "I think Uncle Qrow might try to."

Ruby glared at her sister. "Not helping." she muttered.

"Just sayin." Yang said, shrugging. "And from what I've heard of Weiss's old man, he might take offense to someone defiling his…"

"Shut. Up." Weiss snapped, her face paling at the mention of her father.

Penny's face remained fierce. "I'll fight them all." she said, clenching her fists. "I'm combat ready!"

They were distracted by the whirr of an approaching engine. The ferry settled into its landing dock. "That's our ride." Pyrrha said.

"Let's go." Blake said, grabbing Jaune's shoulder and hoisting him to his feet. "If any overprotective relatives try to kill Jaune, we'll let you know" she said to Penny.

"Are you headed to Beacon as well?" Ruby asked, hanging back as the others began walking towards the ferry.

"Not right now." Penny said. "General Ironwood doesn't think I'm ready for 'large scale societal interaction', as he called it. I'm just waiting for Ciel to catch up."

Ruby frowned at that. "When can I see you again?"

"I'll look for a chance to sneak away." Penny assured, then perked up. "Say, there's something we need to talk about!"

"What?" Ruby asked, curious.

"I've got a plan." Penny said. "I want to stay here, and-"

"Ruby!" Yang called, standing by the entrance. "C'mon!"

"One moment!" Ruby called, but Penny was already turning away.

"You should go with them." she advised, as a white car turned into the lot. "I'll tell you another time."

Ruby frowned, but ran to join her sister.

* * *

Jaune groaned and grabbed at his stomach as the airship pulled away. "I'll… be in the bathroom." he muttered, stumbling to the back of the craft.

"Our knight in shining armor." Weiss muttered.

"More like a king." Blake replied. "Off to claim his throne."

Weiss snickered at this, but Yang didn't seem to register the pun. She stared out through the window, watching as Vale fell away below them.

"What's wrong?" Pyrrha asked, walking up beside her.

Yang didn't respond for a moment, then shook herself and looked back to Pyrrha. "I just was thinking about how big of a mess this really is." she said. "Jokes aside, we're gonna have a lot of explaining to do when we get back."

"Are you worried about what your family will think?" Pyrrha asked.

Yang shrugged. "I've gotten myself into some pretty stupid situations before, and dad never got too worked up over it. Mostly I just wish Ruby wasn't involved."

"I'm not looking forward to hearing from home." Pyrrha said. "But it's probably better than what Weiss is going to be dealing with."

Yang smirked at this. "I'd pay to see Mr. Schnee's face if he'd found his daughter this morning."

"I'm still concerned about what he wouldn't be able to find" Pyrrha said.

"Our clothes?" Yang asked. "I still don't get what could have happened to them."

"Worse." Pyrrha replied. "Condoms."

Yang covered up a gasp. "Shit...shit...shit." she muttered. "That could make it thousand times worse."

"Not to mention harder to undo." Pyrrha replied. "I take it you aren't on the pill?"

"I am." Yang said. "but Ruby isn't."

"Me neither." Pyrrha admitted. "What about Blake and Weiss?"

"Dunno." Yang said, looking over at the others.

They fell into an awkward silence, watching as they approached Beacon.

"I'll order some tests." Pyrrha said after a long moment.

Jaune emerged from the bathroom as they began to dock. "Sorry about that." he said.

"As long as it keeps my shoes clean." Yang said, leading the way towards the school.

Weiss stopped them as they reached the front door. "Think anyone's heard about ...all this?" she asked, gesturing to their attire and the ring in her pocket.

"Probably not." Blake said. "Who bothers to read the newspaper anymore?"

"Let's just try to sneak in and get changed before anyone asks." Pyrrha advised. "Just act like everything's normal, and hopefully no one'll notice."

Yang eased the door open and they slipped inside. Five steps later, something slammed into Pyrrha, knocking her sprawling.

"You're back!" Nora shouted, grabbing Ruby and swinging her in a circle. "Wherehaveyoubeen?TheWhiteFangattackedandIgottosmashsomegiantrobotsandOzpinsaidyoufoughtsomeguynamedAdamanditwasthebestweekendever!"

Pyrrha groaned as waves of pain shot through her skull. Aura could do a lot, but apparently it couldn't handle the double blow of a hangover combined with a sugar rushed Nora.

Ren walked up besides the group. "Interesting outfits." he remarked, looking them up and down. "Wherever you've been, I take it was a black tie affair?"

"Close." Yang said. "Technically, it was more like birthday su-"

"REN!" Nora shouted, waving a piece of paper around. "Look at this!"

"What?" Weiss yelped. She flipped open her purse and stared at the empty space where the certificate had been moments before. "How did you get that?"

"You got married?" Nora asked, not noticing Jaune's frantic gestures to lower her voice. "You all married each other?"

Pyrrha groaned as she saw heads turn their direction. _Well, if they didn't know before, they do now._ "Nora…" she began.

"Why didn't you invite us?" Nora demanded. "Ren would have made the perfect Maid of Honor!"

Ren sighed. "Nora, that's not…"

"You're just modest about your talents." she said.  
After a moment of decision, Ren decided not to argue the point. "So, is it true?" he asked Jaune, who nodded forlornly. "Well, congrats." he said. "Mind telling me why?"

"I wish I knew." Jaune said. "Too much to drink, I guess."

"Welcome back" a new voice said. "Interesting weekend?"

Pyrrha turned, and saw Glynda Goodwitch approaching.

"Professor!" Nora called. "Jaune and Pyrrha and Team RWBY all-"

"I've heard." Their teacher said. She raised an eyebrow at their clothing. "At least you all dressed for the occasion."

"Look, professor, I didn't intend to..." Jaune began.

"I don't need an explanation." she said. "However, if you're so eager to give one, I'd be happy to let you reply to the sixteen emails Jacques Schnee has sent to the school since seven thirty this morning."

Weiss groaned. "He's heard?"

"Oh yes." Ms. Goodwitch replied. "And from the tone of the messages, he's none too pleased about the matter."

"That might explain why your card didn't work this morning." Blake suggested.

Weiss frowned at this. "He could have at least called me before he cancelled it." she said, pulling out her scroll. "I'm surprised he hasn't… I muted him?"

"You muted your own father?" Yang asked. "You turned your back on your own flesh and blood?"

"Shut up." Weiss said, already removing it. "I'm sure I can explain… oh."

The screen began to blur as notifications popped in.

"Wow." Ruby said, looking over the heiress's back. "Five hundred missed calls."

"And fifty texts." Ren added, walking over.

The scroll suddenly began to vibrate, the word "FATHER" clearly visible.

"You said you could explain?" Yang said. "Here's your chance."

Weiss reached for the answer button, then reconsidered as she considered their situation "On second thought," she said, sliding the setting back to 'mute'. "I'm sure he'll be fine waiting for a little while longer."

"The Headmaster asked to speak with you as soon as you got back." Ms. Goodwitch said. "I assume it's about last night's activities."

"Think he'd mind if we get changed first?" Pyrrha asked.

"I'd advise against doing that." she said, gesturing to the other students. "I fear that you've already attracted too much interest to make it across campus in a timely matter."

"Ah well." Pyrrha said. "Let's go."

"Can we come too?" Nora asked.

"You have class with Professor Port." Ms. Goodwitch said.

"It's alright." Nora said. "It's too early for a nap anyway."

"What was that?" Goodwitch asked, suddenly stern.

Nora froze as she realized who she was talking to "...nothing" she said meekly.

"Let's go." Ren said, walking away. "See you guys afterward."

"Good luck!" Nora called as she followed. "And you need to think up a name for yourselves! Try to think of a color with the letters R, W, B, Y, J, and P in it!"

"Before you do any of that, I wouldn't keep the headmaster waiting any longer." Ms. Goodwitch said, also turning away. "Head straight on up, he's expecting you. Oh, and Mr. Arc?"

"Yes?" Jaune asked.

Goodwich smirked at him. "Congratulations." she said, then walked away humming the bridal march.

* * *

The elevator doors hissed open, revealing the headmaster's office. Ozpin sat at his desk, examining a holograph of their marriage certificate.

He looked up as the door opened, and raised an eyebrow at them. "After the attack, I may have encouraged you to enjoy your evening." he said dryly, "But this was hardly what I had in mind."

"...yeah." Yang chuckled nervously. "Sorry?"

Ozpin frowned at her. "Would you care to explain how you all decided to make such a dramatic and life changing decision overnight?

"That's the strange thing, Headmaster." Pyrrha said. "We can't remember it. Not just last night, but all day yesterday as well."

Ozpin was midsip in his coffee, and his brow furrowed as he listened. "Indeed?" he asked, placing his cup to the side. "That seems unlikely. You are certain that none of you recall anything from the attack?"

"Last thing I recall, I was biking into town Saturday night." Yang said.

"I was left the academy with Ruby." Jaune said. "She wanted to introduce me to a friend."

"I did?" Ruby asked. "I don't remember anything since we got out of class on Friday."

"Yang forgot her scroll." Blake said. "I was trying to catch up with her to return it."

Yang cocked her head, then checked her pockets. "Now that you mention it, where is my scroll?" she said. "It isn't here. Did we leave it in the hotel room?."

"We turned the place upside down looking for our clothes." Pyrrha said. "I doubt we simply overlooked it."

"Pyrrha and I were going shopping." Weiss said. "I needed a new pair of shoes, and she wanted to look for perfume."

"You wear perfume?" Blake asked Pyrrha. "I hadn't noticed."

"I normally don't." Pyrrha said, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. "It was just to try something new."

"Trying to catch the eye of a special someone?" Yang asked, grinning at the champion.  
Pyrrha turned crimson and stared at the floor. Yang noticed that the girl took particular care to avoid even glancing in Jaune's direction. _She's got it that bad for him?_ _Ouch._ Yang mused. _This must be awkward as hell._ She made a mental note to avoid bringing it up in the future. There was friendly teasing, and then there was outright cruelty.

"That is… unusual." Ozpin said. "None of you appeared intoxicated during the fighting, and I've never heard of someone losing memories from before they began drinking."

"Maybe, but what else would have caused it?" Yang asked. "The room reeked of liquor, and I know what a hangover feels like."

"True enough." Ozpin said. "And I admit that I personally know little about the potential effects of alcohol. However, an associate of mine will be stopping by later today. As he is somewhat of an expert regarding inebriation, I'll be sure to consult his opinion on the matter."

"So what actually happened?" Ruby asked.

"There was a large scale assault on Vale by the White Fang." Ozpin said. "Somehow, they managed to get their hands on experimental Atlas military tech, only to unleash it with little strategy or organization. We're still trying to figure out what happened."

"You said you talked to us yesterday?" Weiss asked.

"You six were the first to respond to the attack." Ozpin said. "You asked to spend the rest of the night in Vale, but no one mentioned anything in regards to romance."

"Some people make snap decisions when they're drunk." Yang said. "Uncle Qrow said he once converted religions six times in an afternoon."

"Lucky guy." Weiss muttered. "That'd be a breeze compared to this."

"If you have no memory of committing to this marriage, I assume you will be seeking to annul it quickly?" Ozpin asked.

"The sooner it's gone, the better." Blake said. She frowned as she looked over at Jaune. "umm… no offense."

"None taken." he replied. "I couldn't agree more."

"I suggest you consult Doctor Oobleck on the matter." Ozpin said. "Polyamorous relationships haven't been common since well before the Great War, and I fear that the laws regarding them may be woefully outdated." He pulled up a schedule, then made a quick change. "I'm sure he won't mind cancelling a lecture to provide some emergency relationship advice, especially for his favorite students."

"C'mon team!" Ruby called. "Let's go tear our marriage apart!"


	4. Chapter 4

An hour later, Blake knocked on Oobleck's door. They had taken advantage of the lull during class to sneak back to their dorms to shower and change, then headed towards the history professor's office, distracting team SSSN with brief use of steam dust while they snuck by.

The newlyweds waited a long moment, but there was no response. "Maybe he's out?" Pyrrha suggested, and Blake went to knock again.

Before she could, the door was flung open, and the green haired professor seized her hand.

"Welcome back, Mr. and Mesdames Arc!" Oobleck said, shaking vigorously. "Or did you all decide to keep your maiden names? I suppose it isn't particularly important, as Ozpin has informed me of your intention to seek annulment. All the same, surnames are a major part of one's heritage, and any competent genealogist knows their importance, especially when trying to chart a family tree-"

"Professor" Pyrrha interrupted. "Could we get on with it?"

Oobleck shook himself. "You are correct!" he said. "We have no time for idle chitchat, if we're going to dissolve this marriage, we need to get to work!" he turned and dashed back into the room. "Come now, our research awaits!"

Blake looked to the others, who merely shrugged, so she sighed and led the way after their teacher. A moment later, she drew back, startling the others. "What's the holdup?" Weiss snapped. "...oh"

In the center of the room, old books had been piled up into a pyramid taller than Ruby. Oobleck came running out of a closet, carrying another stack and adding it to the pile.

"Professor…" Pyrrha said, concerned. "Do you mean to tell us that all those books are Remnant's marriage laws?"

Oobleck frowned. "What? No, of course not. That'd be ridiculous."

Pyrrha exhaled in relief

"I only retrieved the tomes that directly involve polyamory." Oobleck said. "No sense in cluttering up our research with unnecessary information!"

Yang let out an audible gulp.

Oobleck zipped around the room, rapidly dividing the pile into six stacks. "I suggest you each take a pile, and begin searching for anything that references annulment or divorce." he called. "I'll serve as a general aide and translator, so simply ask if you find something that you don't understand."

"Let's get cracking!" Ruby called, grabbing the first book off a stack and opening it. Blake approached another pile, and examined the title of the top manuscript.

"A treatise on polygamous and polyandrous unions, section IV." she read aloud. Blake groaned inwardly, but blew the dust off the cover and opened to the title page. _Mom always said that a marriage takes effort, but this is ridiculous._

For the next half hour, they mostly read in silence, occasionally calling out interesting or unusual finds.

"This book's nothing but rules regarding lineage." Pyrrha said, flipping through. "Do any of you have a noble title?"

"Standards for the bequeathment of wealth." Jaune read aloud. "If funds are sufficient, every legitimate heir must first receive a tract of fertile farmland at least five furlongs in both length and width, or monetary compensation of equivalent value." he looked around to the others in confusion. "What the heck is a furlong?"

"More than a furshort." Yang suggested.

"Never forget that frivolous as these laws may all seem today, at one time they were vital to the stability of our nation and the wellbeing of its peoples." Oobleck said. "The book in Mrs. Nikos's hands may have once made the difference between peaceful transfer of power and a bloody succession war."

"To consummate a marriage, one must 'engage in copulation with at least one other spouse.'" Ruby read, then frowned at the book. "What does 'copulation' mean?"

"Hanky panky." Weiss said.

"You mean the party dance?" Ruby asked. "I love doing the Hanky Panky!"

"No!" Weiss yelped. "That's completely different!"

Ruby looked at her with confusion, so Weiss tried again. "Intercourse? Making love? The horizontal tango?" Ruby's expression became more and more confused as the heiress listed synonyms. "You know, doing it!" she finally snapped.

"Doing what?" Ruby asked. Weiss looked ready to explode.

Yang sighed. "Do you remember the talk Dad gave you two summers ago?"

Ruby blushed at the memory. "About how bodies change and babies come from people doing weird naked stuff?"

"Yeah." Yang said. "That's what it means."

"The weird naked stuff?" Ruby asked, and her sister nodded. "Oh." Ruby said, looking back at the page. "That fits, I suppose." she returned to reading in silence for several moments longer.

"Wait!" Ruby suddenly shouted, looking back to the others with horror. "We weren't wearing anything when we woke up this morning! Does that mean that last night we…" she broke off, too mortified to continue.

"Yes." Weiss said impatiently. "Are you only now understanding that?"

"So me and Jaune…" Ruby buried her face in the book and let out a whimper.

Blake patted her on the shoulder. "Try not to think about it too much." she soothed.

"I don't get why we need to do all this." Jaune said, gesturing to the growing pile of discarded books. "Like here, it defines the age of marital consent as thirteen! There's no way that's still legal today!"

"You're probably correct." Oobleck agreed. "Many, probably even most, of these laws wouldn't survive a legal challenge in the modern era. However, if you seek to terminate your marriage in a timely fashion, the last thing you want to do is seek change through the courts."

Weiss nodded. "Father's still fighting lawsuits that were started a generation ago." she said. "Even with something straightforward like this, we'd probably be looking at the better part of five years, start to finish."

Blake cringed at the idea of being unwillingly married for five years. "Let's not do that then." she said, picking up the next book.

"Found it!" Yang called. "A list of valid causes for annulment and dissolution of a marriage!" The others put down their books and gathered around her.

"Hey!" Weiss exclaimed, pointing to a paragraph. "This says that anyone can immediately withdraw from a marriage by publicly declaring your intention to the… town crier?" she looked up in confusion. "Who the dusts is that?"

"It was a position charged with informing the public of recent events before the advent of universal literacy" Oobleck said, interested. "I doubt that Vale still appoints one, but if not, a newspaper announcement would likely be considered a valid legal substitution."

"Great!" Yang said, reading the paragraph. "We'll just have to call the _Chronicler_ and…" she sighed. "never mind."

"What's wrong?" Blake asked.

"'as long as the union hasn't been consummated.'" Yang said. "So much for that."

"What are the other reasons?" Jaune asked, trying unsuccessfully to see over everyone else's heads.

Blake looked down to the next heading. "Infertility" she read. "Any member can withdraw after failure to produce an heir for two years of at least twice daily copulation. If indications are found that either party attempted to prevent conception through use of barriers, consumption of silphium or substances of equivalent effect, or through withdrawal before achieving release, this time period is reset."

"Twice a day, 365 days in a year… for two years" Jaune paled as he did the mental math. "Times five!"

"Not to mention that it's gotta be protection free." Yang added. "Knock someone up, and you're together for life."

"Can we not?" Jaune asked weakly. "Please?"

Blake turned the page and continued. "The Dark Arts" she read. "If any member of the marriage is found guilty of black magic, the entire union is henceforth dissolved."

"That's obsolete." Oobleck said. "All legislation punishing witchcraft was purged from the constitutions at the end of the Great War."

"Even if it weren't, didn't they burn witches alive?" Pyrrha said. "A divorce wouldn't be worth letting that happen to one of us."

"It wouldn't?" Weiss asked, glaring at Jaune.

Ruby punched her partner in the arm. "Be nice." she chided.

Trying draw the conversation away from him being burned at the stake, Jaune looked onwards to the next entry in the list. "If a husband proves to be unwilling or unable to provide satisfaction to a wife, she may level formal charges against him in the court of law." He read. "The accused must demonstrate his capacity in the presence of at least ten independent witnesses, as well as the closest male and female relative of both parties. After three hours, if a majority judges that he failed to bring the offended party to release, she is freed from the bonds of the union."

"Absolutely. Not." Weiss said, her face going crimson as she imagined participating in such a trial. "Next one, please."

"If the marriage was performed with an unwilling member, with one who was unaware of the conditions of the agreement or a participant drunken on wine or any other mind altering substance, the entire union is hereby considered to be retroactively null and void." Pyrrha read, and grinned at the others. "We've got it!"

"Finally, a law that makes sense." Blake said. "What do we need to do to in order to make it official?"

"We just need to declare this to the minister who performed the union." Pyrrha said, reading the rest of the paragraph. "Once we have proof that we did that, we've just got to deliver it to a courthouse."

Ruby examined the certificate. "Rev. Robin Alroy, at the chapel of the Wandering Saint" she read. "We can probably call him from the CCT, and tell him we changed our minds."

"That's not the only thing I'd like to tell him." Weiss muttered. "What idiot agrees to marry a bunch of drunk teenagers in the first place?"

"Very well, to the Cross Continental Transmit System we go!" Oobleck called. He grabbed his thermos from the nearest pile of books, then headed towards the door. "Onwards, fellow historians!"

Oobleck flung open the door, then cocked his head in surprise. Team CRDL stood in the hallway, with Cardin's hand raised to knock. "Hello Professor." Cardin said, recovering from surprise. "We wanted to speak with Jaune, and heard that he was in here?"

Oobleck frowned at the boy. "I'm afraid you'll have to postpone your little rivalry with Mr. Arc for another time. We have serious business to attend to."

"It's not that, honest!" Cardin defended himself. "We need his advice about something important!"

"Regardless, I'm afraid it'll have to wait" Oobleck said, pushing through the team. "Come students, let us be off."

Team CRDL looked disappointed, but seemed unwilling to argue with a teacher. They hung back as the others filed out of the office and headed for the door. "Come find us later, Buddy!" Cardin called to Jaune. "We'll save a seat for you at dinner!"

Blake winced as they walked outside, the sunlight intensifying her headache. "Wonder what they wanted with Jaune." she muttered to Yang.

"Probably just another pathetic attempt at blackmail." Yang said. "That's what it was last time."

Their conversation broke off as the whine of an airship approached the school. "That's weird." Pyrrha said, checking the time. "The ferry shouldn't be due for another half hour."

"Look!" Ruby called. A trio of Atlesian dropships swooped over the school buildings, slowing as they approached the lawn.

"What in the world?" Oobleck demanded. "Why would Atlas send assault forces here?"

"Don't know, but I've got a bad feeling about this." Blake said, as the craft pulled to a complete halt, forming a circle directly above them.

Weiss looked horrified. "He wouldn't…" she muttered. Before she could continue, the crew compartment of the first two dropships opened. Several dozen Atlesian Knights poured out, leaping to the ground and raising their weapons. A moment later, the final dropship released its cargo, and a pair of spider droids slammed into the dirt, shaking the ground with their impact.  
"What is the meaning of this!" Oobleck shouted. He stormed towards the nearest Knight, ignoring the guns pointed at his head. "Military forces are expressly forbidden on campus grounds!"

A red light activated on the Knight's helm, and a male voice echoed from the robot. "This is retribution for crimes against the Schnee family" it said. "Stand aside, schoolteacher."

"Father!" Weiss called, running forwards. "I know you're angry, but I promise that I can explain!" The Knight simply pointed its weapon at the girl's head. Weiss stumbled back, stunned. "Explain what, you little harlot?" her father growled. "How you married yourself away to spread your legs for five people in a single night? How you've managed to turn yourself into the family's greatest embarrassment in a over century?"  
Weiss stammered, her face going crimson as she fought back both anger and tears.

"Now Jacques, let's be reasonable." Oobleck said, stepping between the girl "I understand why you're upset, but it's still improper to-"

The Knight slapped at the professor, sending his thermos rolling down the path. "How dare you?" Oobleck demanded, running after it.

The robots marched forward, shoving Weiss and Pyrrha to the side as they advanced. Blake reached for Gambol Shroud, but her hand grasped at empty air. She groaned, remembering how they'd stashed their weapons in the locker room before changing.

"Time to settle this offense against the Schnee name." Weiss's father called, as the Knights closed in on their target. Jaune yelped as he saw a dozen gun barrels pointing in his direction. He turned to run, only to find another trio of Knights had approached from behind, cutting off his escape. "Kill the boy!"


	5. Chapter 5

Metallic fingers pulled down on the triggers of a dozen guns, but Ruby was already in motion. She dove between two of the knights into the center of the circle, grabbing Jaune and activating her semblance. The charges spat through the air where the boy had been mere moments before, and three of the robots went down from the crossfire, appearing to fall in slow motion.

Ruby laughed as she dodged around another Atlesian Knight, pulling Jaune along in her wake. She dove under a spider droid, then shot across the open grass towards the nearest building. No one could harm them as they hurtled through this space between heartbeats, nothing had a hope of even touching-

Her Aura ran out.

Ruby and Jaune tumbled to the ground, still nearly a hundred meters from shelter. Ruby groaned. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ She hadn't bothered to check her reserves, even after Ozpin had mentioned yesterday's battle. _I should have realized I might be running low!_ "Jaune, run!" she yelled.

Her friend needed no additional prompting. He scrambled to his feet, but the Atlas forces were already recovering, and Jaune had to duck behind a tree as a hail of fire spat across the green.

Shouts of alarm echoed from across the campus as the others sprung into action. Yang seized one of the knights, using it to block oncoming fire before smashing the robot into one of its fellows. Blake was currently engaging the far spider droid, dancing around it and using her semblance to draw its cannon blasts away from both friends and bystanders. Meanwhile, Pyrrha had produced her scroll and was furiously typing something onto the screen. Moments later, several silvery blurs hurtled from the sky, and their weapons lockers hit the ground around them. Whether by chance or by design, one locker slammed directly into second spider droid, crushing it by the impact. Faced with this newfound threat, the robots scattered in every direction, firing at the huntresses as they retreated.

Ruby stared for a moment longer, then smiled and ran to retrieve Crescent Rose. Her aura might be emptied, but she wasn't about to let her teammates have all the fun without her. She slashed through one knight, taking advantage of its distraction to attack from behind.

She switched to sniper rifle configuration, taking out another knight before it could attack Weiss from behind. Her partner waved to acknowledge the save, then turned to engage another opponent.

Ruby continued to pick off the robots with Crescent Rose as they struggled against her teammates and Pyrrha. Out in the open and unprepared, the robots had little defense against sniper fire. _This is actually going pretty g-_

"Jaune!" Pyrrha called. Ruby looked, and bit back a shriek. Jaune had broken from cover, trying to get to his locker. He had retrieved both sword and shield, but in the process had become surrounded by a half dozen knights.

Ruby cringed as they fired, but Jaune lept into motion, taking five shots on his shield and blocking the sixth with a quick use of aura. He slashed through the legs of the first bot, then spun, hacking off the heads of another pair. As the remaining knights fired again, Jaune dove into a roll, letting the projectiles pass over his head before standing, impaling one of the robots with Crecoa Mars. The two remaining Knights attempted to step backwards as they reloaded, but Jaune charged forwards, quickly dispatching one, then the other.

Ruby's eyes widened as she saw her friend standing unharmed in the midst of twisted, ruined metal. _I guess Pyrrha's private lessons really did help._ Jaune looked around, apparently surprised to be alive,

Ruby broke into a huge smile. "Way to go!" she cheered, and Jaune grinned at her. Caught up in his success, they failed to notice Blake's shout of warning until too late.  
"What?" Ruby asked, finally turning. To her horror, the remaining Spider Droid had chosen to ignore Blake in favor of another, stationary target. "Look out!" Ruby called, as the droid unleashed all four cannons directly at Jaune.

No time to dodge, Jaune took the blast head on. He tumbled backwards, finally landing several meters from both shield and sword, aura broken. As he attempted to rise, another Knight stepped up, gun pointed directly at his face. Jaune yelped and attempted to scramble backwards, but his hands slipped out from under him and he collapsed back onto the grass.

Ruby raised Crescent Rose and pulled the trigger, but was rewarded with nothing but the sickening click of an empty cartridge. _Oh no._ Ruby bit her lip, resisting the temptation to close her eyes. Jaune paled, but clenched his fists, determined to die bravely. And then, the Atlesian Knight's entire top half ceased to exist. As the disembodied legs stumbled away, trailing sparks, Doctor Oobleck rested a smoking mace on his shoulder.

"No time for relaxing, Mr. Arc!" he called, offering his free hand to the boy. "We must return to the fray!"

Ruby looked back towards the others, then lowered her weapon, confused. The remaining bots had frozen in place, red lights gone. Her teammates and Pyrrha stood around awkwardly, weapons still raised.

Ruby approached, making a point to give the Spider Droid a wide berth. As she got closer, she could hear two voices arguing.

"What is the meaning of this?" Weiss's father demanded. "On what grounds have you overridden my control?"

"Isn't it obvious?" the second voice demanded. Younger than Mr. Schnee, it rang with confidence and authority. "Despite how many times this has been repeated to you, apparently you still don't understand that Atlas security forces are a service, and not your own private army!"

"But he-"

"I am well aware of the incident between your daughter and Mr. Arc." The second man interrupted. "That still doesn't even begin to excuse your behavior."

"How dare you!" Mr. Schnee shouted. "I have a duty to protect the honor of our family!"

"You also have a duty to respect the treaties regarding use of military force." the second voice said. "Consider yourself lucky that you're only being fined for misuse of Atlas military equipment, and not arrested on charges of assault and attempted murder."

The remaining Atlesian Knights fell into formation as one of the airships dropped down to the campus. As they boarded, one bot turned back to address the group. "I apologize for what happened this morning." the man said. "I assure you, such a disgrace will not be allowed to happen again."

The others gathered around as the airships pulled away, soaring into the distance. "Man." Yang said, kicking at one of Knights. "When you said you and your dad had a tense relationship, you weren't kidding around."

Weiss didn't seem to notice Yang's words. She glared at the ruined robots, as though trying to incinerate them through pure fury. "How dare he call me that." she growled. "How dare he! As though I were some _floozy_ who'd leap into bed with anyone at the drop of a hat! Just… GAH!" she stormed off, headed for the dorms.

"Should we go after her?" Jaune asked.

Ruby watched her partner walk off, going by team SSSN on her way. Neptune called out something as she passed, and Weiss launched him backwards with a glyph. Neptune landed in the upper branches of a tree, scrabbling for better grip against the trunk, but Weiss didn't even spare the struggling boy a glance as she slammed the door open and marched inside.

"She probably could use some time to cool off." Pyrrha said. "Besides, she'll probably feel better once we've got rid of the whole marriage issue."

"Well then." Oobleck said, straightening his glasses and taking a long swig of coffee. Ruby frowned, wondering where the professor's weapon had gone. "Now that all the excitement's died down I suppose we should continue to the CCT?"

* * *

The elevator hissed open, revealing rows of communication terminals. Pyrrha frowned. The room was far busier than she would have expected for a normal Monday afternoon, with over half of the terminals already occupied. "Put a call through to the Chapel of the Wandering Saint." she said.

"Of course." the AI replied. "Proceed to terminal thirteen."

As Pyrrha took a seat, the screen lit up with a green 'calling' symbol. The others gathered around as the progress marker spun.

Jaune sat down at the terminal next to them, and pulled up a web page.

"What are you doing?" Pyrrha asked.

"Checking the newsfeeds." he said. "Maybe it'll tell us more about what happened yesterday."

Pyrrha returned her gaze to the screen in front of her, as the calling logo continued to spin. "You'd think they'd have responded by now." she said.

"Maybe no one's home?" Ruby suggested.

"The Wandering Saint has a pretty large congregation." Oobleck said. "They ought to at least have a secretary present."

"Hey guys?" Jaune asked.

"Maybe they're talking to someone else?" Yang suggested.

"Then we'd be getting a busy signal." Pyrrha said.

"GUYS!" Jaune snapped.

"What?" Blake asked.

Jaune pointed to his terminal. Pyrrha leaned around the privacy barrier, and her eyes widened as she saw what Jaune had found. The page showed a charred and blasted ruin of a building, surrounded by yellow tape.

"Five missing in second White Fang assault against Wandering Saint Chapel." Ruby read, looking at the headline. She checked the time of publication. "They attacked again today?"

"During morning service, apparently." Blake said, reading on. "No confirmed deaths, but several hostages were taken during the terrorists' escape."

"While authorities have not confirmed the identities of the victims, witnesses claim that Reverend Alroy was among those abducted." Yang said, and groaned. "Of course he was."

"The attackers claimed to be retaliating to a personal offense against Adam Taurus, a high profile member of the Fang. The nature of this supposed insult remains unclear, particularly as the Chapel was the primary focus." Oobleck read, and frowned. "Why target house of worship, particularly one which advocates human-faunus equality?"

Pyrrha noticed that Blake had gone pale as their teacher spoke. "Maybe it had something to do with the six of us, since we fought them on Saturday?" she suggested. "But why would a terrorist leader care about a bunch of Freshmen getting married?"

"How about you, Blake?" Ruby asked. "Do you have any idea why this Adam guy would be mad about us getting married?"

Blake looked as though someone had handed her a ticking bomb.

"Don't be ridiculous." Yang said, coming to her friend's aid. "What would Blake know about the White Fang?"

"But..." Ruby began, but Yang just turned and started walking towards the elevator.

"C'mon." she said, pulling Blake along with her. "I'm starved anyway, let's get something to eat."

Pyrrha raised an eyebrow at this. "Blake, are you sure that you don't-" she began, but Yang turned and glared. _Not now._ the brawler's face seemed to say.

Pyrrha frowned. Blake was hardly acting innocent, but whatever she knew, it apparently wasn't suitable to discuss in a teacher's presence. "If we're stuck waiting until the minister's found, we might as well do it on a full stomach." she said, and followed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the long delay, the past few months have been crazy for me. But we finally got all the llamas rounded up, giving me the time to get back to this story.**

* * *

Blake blinked back the sunlight as they exited the CCT. The wind tickled her ears, and Blake frowned at the reminder of her missing bow. _Must've vanished with our clothes… I'll have to get another._

"While you eat, I'll return to my office and continue the research." Oobleck said. "Perhaps there are conditions for dissolving such marriage when the officiator has gone missing."

Yang waited for him to run off, then turned to the others. "So, should we head back to the dorm?" she asked, setting off down the path.

Pyrrha frowned. "I thought we were going to get lunch." she said.

"Do you wanna face the entire lunchroom, after this morning?" Yang asked. "We're best off lying low until it all blows over."

"We can ask Ren and Nora to pick up something." Jaune suggested, pulling out his scroll and tapping out a message. "I'll ask them to meet us at the dorms"

"Then why did you lie about where we're going?" Ruby asked.

"I just needed an excuse to get rid of Oobleck." Yang said. "This way, Blake has a chance to explain what she doesn't wanna tell us."

"And who says I'm willing to share?" Blake asked. "What gives you the right to pry into my personal history?"

"I thought you'd be better than that." Yang said, mock disappointment. "Keeping secrets from your spouses? How are we supposed to have a stable marriage if our wife doesn't trust us?"

"But…"

"This Adam jerk's the reason we're still stuck together." Yang said. "I'd say we have a right to know." Her gaze turned stern, and Blake realized that further resistance was useless. "I assume you know him from your time with the White Fang?"

Blake sighed. "Yes." she admitted.

"You were a member of the White Fang?" Pyrrha asked, curious.

"Up until a year ago." Blake said. "At the time, I thought that it was the only way to free my fellow faunus."

Jaune stopped in surprise. "Wait, you're a faunus?" he asked.

"Hello!" Yang said, pointing to the top of Blake's head. "Cat ears?"

"Oh." Jaune blushed. "I probably should've noticed that."

"When I first met Adam, I saw him as a charismatic and idealistic warrior, someone who wouldn't allow pacifist weaklings to stand in the way of our freedom." Blake continued. "We quickly became… involved."

Ruby frowned. "Does that mean that you and him did the nak-"

"Yes." Yang said, cutting Ruby off.

"But over time… he began to change for the worse." Blake said. "Though I tried not to notice it, a darkness was growing within him."

Blake fell silent as several other students passed by, then continued once they were out of earshot. "Adam's anger turned to blind hatred, and his dedication became fanaticism. Eventually, it became clear that the idealism I once admired had been twisted into nothing but an obsession with making everyone else on Remnant suffer, regardless of their guilt."

"So you took off?" Yang asked, holding open the door to the dorms.

"Eventually." Blake said. "It wasn't like I could just turn in my two week's notice. I looked for the opportunity to escape, and when it came, I took it." She frowned at the memory. "I had hoped that Adam might accept my choice. We'd talked about my concerns many times before, and I thought that he might understand why I left, even if he didn't agree. She exhaled. "That obviously didn't happen. Considering his attack on the Chapel, it appears that his obsession's become focused on me."

Someone grabbed her by the stomach. Blake inhaled in alarm, then she relaxed, realizing it was Ruby who'd seized her. "I'm sorry that happened." their leader said, tightening the hug.

Blake smiled and patted her on the head. "It wasn't your fault." she said. "It's only-" Blake pulled back at the doorway, her eyes widening at the scene inside.

The room had been ransacked, cloths, books, and knicknacks strewn around the room. Weiss sat on her bed, tossing various items and pieces of clothing into a pile. "How dare he." she muttered. "How _dare_ he!"

"Um… are you alright?" Ruby asked.

"Just getting rid of some unwanted clutter." Weiss said, picking up a picture frame. She pulled out the photo, then ripped it in half and dropped it onto the heap.

Ruby picked up the torn halves. "Is that a family picture?" she asked. "Why do you wanna destroy it?"

"Father's made it clear that I'm out of the family." Weiss said. "Why should I pretend otherwise?"

Blake looked over the pile. Numerous pamphlets were scattered throughout the mound, stamped with the logo of the Schnee Dust company. An expensive looking dress was draped across the top of the pile. "Are these presents or something?" Yang asked.

"Yep." Weiss said, reaching into her dust case. She pulled out a red vial and hurled it at the floor. The others drew back as the pile exploded into flames. Weiss waited until her possessions had been mostly consumed, then tossed a water crystal into the blaze to extinguish it.

"I get that you're mad…" Pyrrha said carefully. "But isn't this a bit extreme? Like it or not, you've still got to share a last name with him."

"Not anymore." Weiss said, in a slightly more satisfied tone. "That was fixed half an hour ago."

"Fixed it?" Jaune asked. "How?"  
"Simple." Weiss replied. "I changed my surname to 'Arc.'" She smiled smugly. "They make it easy to change your name after a marriage, I was able to do it all on my scroll without leaving the dorm."

"That seems drastic." Blake asked, frowning. "Are you really planning to stay married to Jaune just for the sake of spite?"

"Of course not." Weiss said. "But lots of women don't go back to their maiden names after divorcing, and it's not like I could give father the satisfaction of keeping the name 'Schnee.'" She smiled eagerly at the others. "So, how did it go? Do we need to take the forms in ourselves, or were you already able to do it remotely?"  
"Well…" Ruby began.

"Long story short, Blake's ex is a psycho, the minister's gone missing, and we can't cancel the marriage until he's been found." Yang said.

"We can't?" Weiss asked, her mouth dropping open in horror. "But that means…" she turned to Jaune, face turning red. "Just because we're still married doesn't entitle you to sexual favors!" she snarled, glaring daggers. "Changing my surname means nothing, so don't even suggest it!"

"I wouldn't!" Jaune retorted, angry and insulted.

Weiss's anger retreated somewhat. "...sorry" she muttered. "That wasn't fair." She clenched her fists and glared at the Schnee logo on Dust case. "Just when I think of Father, and being called a… Yah!" In a single motion, Weiss seized the case and heaved it out the window. "There" she said, dusting her hands. "Now-"  
There was an explosion outside, followed by screams. The others all looked to Weiss, who had gone pale. "I meant to empty that." she said weakly.

Ruby walked over to the windowsill and peeked out. "Sorry, Professor Port!" she called.

"Not at all!" a faint voice replied. "A proficient hunter must be ready for attacks to come from anywhere, at any time, even if it's explosives falling from the sky!"

"Knock knock!" someone called. Ren and Nora walked into the room, their arms filled with paper sacks.

"Is everything okay?" Pyrrha asked, frowning at Nora's expression.

"She'll be alright." Ren said, as they began to hand out lunch bags.

"All my friends are married, and I don't even have a boyfriend!" Nora wailed. "I'm going to die alone!"

Ren patted her shoulder, and Nora looked at him with new eyes. "Wait, Renny!" she exclaimed. "You're single too! We can get married to each other!"

"Nora… we aren't even together-together." Ren said.

"Right... sorry." Nora said. She sighed, but then perked up. "But what if we _were_ together together? Then could we?"

Ren exhaled. "If that's what you really want, I'd love to date you, but we're way too young to be discussing mar-" Ren was cut off as Nora pulled him into an enthusiastic kiss. After several moments, she broke away, giving him a hopeful look.

Ren blinked in surprise. "Then again, I've always thought graduation weddings were romantic." he said. "Should we set a date for three years from now?"

Nora cheered, and pulled Ren into another kiss.

Blake frowned as she looked into her bag. "Nora…" she said. "Did you get us anything to eat besides deserts?"

"Of course I did!" Nora said, breaking away from the kiss and wiping her mouth. "Pancakes are a breakfast food!"

"Smile dip?" Jaune asked, pulling out a pink bag and giving her a quizzical look. "Where did you get this? Isn't this illegal in Vale?"

"Here." Ren said, passing out a second set of bags. "Just in case you wanted something besides sugar."

"Who would want that?" Nora asked

"Someone who isn't part hummingbird?" an unfamiliar voice suggested. A disheveled man stood in the doorway, a flask in one hand.

"Uncle Qrow!" Ruby cheered.

"Hey, kiddo!" the man laughed  
"EEP!" Jaune dove into the closet.

Ruby shot forward and wrapped herself around his arm. "Didja miss me? Didja miss me?" she asked.

Qrow turned to his niece and ruffled her hair. "Nope." he said, smiling fondly.

"So…" Yang said, slightly nervous. "Do you know about-"

"I've heard." Qrow said. "Between this and the Fang attack, sounds like you guys had one hell of a weekend." He glanced around the room. "So, these are your new spouses?"

"Mostly." Ruby said. "That's Nora sitting on the bed, she's just a friend."

"And this is Ren, my fiance!" Nora said, pulling Ren into a hug.

Qrow smirked as Ren began to turn blue. "Fiance, eh? How long have you two been dating?"

Ren gasped for breath as Nora released him. "seven minutes?" he wheezed.

Blake looked at the time and shrugged. "More or less."

"I've told you about my team." Ruby continued, gesturing to Blake and Weiss. "Then that's Pyrrha beside the window."

"It's nice to meet you." Pyrrha said. "Ruby speaks highly of her uncle."

"And that's Jaune, behind the closed door."

"Ruby, I thought we were friends!" a faint voice called. "Why would you betray me like this!"

Qrow chuckled. "So your husband's in the closet, eh? That's not a good sign." he knocked on the door, and there was a whimper from inside. "Relax kid, I ain't gonna hurt you." Qrow called. "Honestly, I'm kinda impressed."

Jaune opened the door a crack. "Impressed?" he asked suspiciously.

"Sure" Qrow said. "In one booze fueled night, you somehow managed to wed and bed half the girls in your grade! I used to call myself the king of drunken screwups, but you've made even that time with Winter look tame!"

"WHAT?" Weiss demanded. "And what do you mean to imply by that?"

Qrow raised an eyebrow at her. "And you are?"

"Weiss Schnee." the disinherited heiress snapped. Blake noted that in her anger she had forgotten her new surname. "And I insist on knowing what you did with my sister."

"Tell you what." Qrow said. "Since you and me are some sort of in-laws now, I'll play nice. Do you _really_ want to know what me and Winter did that night?"

Weiss ducked her head, looking sick as she imagined the possibilities. "...Never mind." she muttered.

"Anyway, Ozzie wanted me to fetch you six." Qrow said. "Wanted to talk about 'recent developments'"

"Can we come?" Nora asked brightly.

"Ol' Ironwood wanted the meeting to be discrete" Qrow said, and grinned. "So sure you can come. It's always fun to see him annoyed."

* * *

For the second time that day, the elevator doors opened, revealing the headmaster's office. Oobleck, Ozpin, and Goodwitch were already waiting for them, along with a uniformed man that Weiss recognized as General Ironwood of Atlas Academy.

The General scowled at the sight of Nora and Ren. "Did you have to bring those two?" he asked.

"Absolutely." Qrow said with a straight face.

"Dr. Oobleck has been updating us on the situation." Goodwitch said. "Have you managed to remember anything from the past weekend?"

"Not yet." Weiss said. She turned to the others, but they just shook their heads.

"Were the police able to find out what happened to the hostages?" Pyrrha asked.

"Unfortunately not." Ozpin said. "The authorities were focused on containing the fire and searching the building for survivors. Unless your men were able to track them?" he asked, turning to General Ironwood.

"Not a sign." Ironwood said, frowning. "Our forces were dispersed on the edges of Vale, repelling any Grimm drawn from Saturday's attack. By the time we got a squad to the scene, the terrorists were long gone."

"And the hostages with them." Qrow said.

"While rescue of the hostages remains top priority, it'd still be helpful if we could free our pupils from this contract." Ozpin said. "Did your research unveil anything, Bartholomew?"

"Unfortunately, I've found very little in the way of helpful information." Oobleck said. "If the Reverend were declared dead, we would be free to seek out a different official to annul the union. However, as long as he's missing, that isn't a possibility. The law does mention that in such unusual cases, the marriage can instead be annulled by the next minister to take the position..."

"Great!" Ruby said. "We can-"

"But unfortunately, the Chapel of the Wandering Saint isn't likely to appoint a new pastor anytime soon, as it's been entirely demolished." Oobleck continued.

"You could become widows!" Nora suggested. "Let's have Jaune fake his own death!"

Ironwood frowned. "Excuse me?"

"It'd be just like in the movies!" Nora continued. "He'd pretend to die in a fiery explosion, then strike against the White Fang from the shadows, methodically dismantling the organization before finally going against Adam in an epic duel to the death!"

"And you expect _Jaune_ to do this?" Blake asked. "The guy wears bunny pjs."

"They're comfy!" Jaune complained.

"Regardless, I don't believe that such a strategy would succeed." Oobleck said. "The contract explicitly describes the marriage as polyamorous, not polygynous. If Mister Arc were to be declared dead, Mrs. Nikos and Team RWBY would still be married to each other."

"I'll ask around, see if I can find out where they'd be headed." Qrow said, then frowned at Ironwood. "'Course, that won't be much help to them if that Schnee bastard borrows more of your playthings."

"Jacques' clearance has been fully revoked." Ironwood said, frowning. "However, as this is the second time Atlas forces have gone rogue in the past two days, it's become apparent that a full revision of security protocols is in order." he turned back to the teens. "In addition, I'm confining the six of you to Beacon for the time being."

"What?" Yang demanded. "You can't do that!"

"I agree with James on this matter." Ozpin said. "As inconvenient as this may seem, it's clear that we have significant reason to fear hostile takeover of Atlesian technology. What would happen, if they managed to take control of a ferry with any of you onboard?"

Yang scowled, but didn't argue further. "Is there anything else you need from us?" Pyrrha asked.

"For the time being, I don't believe so." Ironwood said. "But please tell us if you remember something that might help us find this Adam, or explain the motive behind his attack."

Weiss glanced over at Blake, but the former terrorist stayed silent. Weiss frowned inwardly, but decided that it was Blake's secret to divulge when she was ready.

"Qrow" Ozpin called as they turned to leave. "If you could remain for a moment? There's another issue we need to discuss."

"Right." Ruby's uncle said. He winked at them as he turned back. "Good luck making your marriage work!" he called.


End file.
